Interview with Dr. Carol McCoy

So you’ve found your ancestors on census records, and you have obtained copies of their birth, marriage, and death records. But what other records are available? Come to NERGC 2019 in Manchester, NH from April 3rd through April 6th to find out from Carol McCoy! Carol will be offering 3 presentations at this year’s conference:

  • Using Deeds to Solve Genealogy Problems (This is a 2 hour workshop being offered on Wednesday from 3:30pm-5:30pm)
  • Tax Records in Genealogy Can Be a Good Thing (Saturday 10am-11am)
  • Proving Mayflower Ancestry: Margaret York Randall of Maine, New York, and Alabama (Saturday 3:15pm-4:15pm)

I was at one of Carol’s presentations at NERGC 2017. She is knowledgeable and entertaining, and I’m looking forward to her presentations this year. Carol was kind enough to allow me to interview her.

You began your professional life as a teacher and a professional development consultant. What made you become a full time genealogist?

 

I have always been interested in psychology and what makes people the way they are. My doctorate in social Personality Psychology focused on early childhood memories and adult personality. Later I taught psychology and studied psychoanalysis in New York City. My hope was to understand people. Ultimately one cannot understand people without understanding their family dynamics and  what is passed on through the generations of one’s family. So, as I learned more about my family origins and also did some free family searches for dear friends, I discovered that I loved doing this research. I give presentations because I love to share whatever I have learned that I believe can help others.

 

What are your other interests outside of genealogy? 

First and foremost, baseball, especially following the New York Yankees, which can be a challenge in New England. I love playing the guitar and singing folk music being a child of the 60s and 70s—now I listen more than I sing. I also love to garden with enthusiasm if not skill. And my favorite interest is my sweet cat, Mr. Spice Pie, who offers me companionship, snuggles and amusement.

 

What is your favorite, most helpful resource that you feel is underutilized?  What are the biggest challenges of Maine research? 

Definitely New England town records including tax records. They can be hard to find, hard to decipher, hard to make sense of, but they are so worthwhile in terms of adding details about the location and times in which one’s ancestors lived and also about their lives.

 

Recording of vital records was not required until 1892 and so not all towns were diligent about recording them. Shortly after 1892 about 20% of Maine towns forwarded their records to Augusta but clearly that excludes many towns. In some locations, such as the Cumberland County Court House, records burned. The early Cumberland probate records prior to 1908 were destroyed. In general record keeping was not as rigorous as in Massachusetts proper. Records are not always located in a logical place and sometimes custodians guard them very fiercely.  Maine deeds, many of which are online, can be tremendously helpful but researchers need to cast a wider net regarding time, place, names and other details to make the most of them. People need to pay attention to county changes. For example all of Maine was in York County until 1760 when Cumberland and Lincoln Counties were formed. York Deeds were published in about 18 volumes, which covered transactions up to about 1737—this leaves the time period from about 1738 up to 1760 unpublished. Some people assume that everything is published. Maine research is challenging but rewarding—local records provide many clues. The Maine Historical Society in Portland, the Maine State Library and Maine State Archives in Augusta, and other repositories are tremendously helpful. The Maine Genealogical Society, which has published more than 80 volumes of town/city transcriptions and also Maine Families in 1790, is a great resource. People should check our web: www.maineroots.org.

 

 

Two of your lectures at this year’s conference concern tax records and land deeds. Are there any of these records that would be helpful for folks researching female ancestors or other ancestors who may not have owned property? 

Definitely yes. Women could be included in tax records if they headed a household or were widows.  Deeds often mention release of dower by a wife and include the wife’s name, indicating if she could write or if she signed with her mark. Women may be mentioned as neighbors. Tax records often included a poll tax based on a male between the ages of either 21 (sometimes 16 or 18) and perhaps 65. If John Allen was taxed for 3 polls one year, that indicated 3 males were of taxable age that year. If the next year he was taxed for 4 polls, this indicated that someone else in the household had come of age. If the next year there were only 2 taxable polls, perhaps a male had died or moved out of the household or became unratable as a poll. The more you learn about these records, the more clues you can find in them.

 

What does this year’s conference theme mean to you?  What would you say to convince a first-timer to attend? 

Family– Link to the Past and Bridge to the Future—that says it all. I enjoy learning more family stories about my ancestors, but even more I enjoy finding as yet undiscovered relatives and sharing family stories with the next generation.

 

This is my favorite conference. There are always excellent speakers discussing useful topics and friendly participants willing to share their knowledge, time and friendship. If you have New England ancestors, the conference is especially helpful. Even if you don’t think you have New England ancestors, you might have them, and the Conference provides much helpful information on how to conduct genealogy research.

 

There are still spots available for Carol’s workshop on Wednesday, so register quickly before they fill up! The conference is not just great workshops, lectures, and fantastic featured speakers. There is also a marvelous exhibit area featuring books, gadgets, and representatives from genealogical societies. Did I mention books? I also love the chance to spend a few days with other people who are passionate about family history. Each conference is an opportunity to make new friends and connect with old ones. See you in Manchester!

 

 

Carol Prescott McCoy, Ph.D., lives in Brunswick, Maine with her beloved cat, Spice Pie. She grew up in Bronxville, N.Y., attended Connecticut College and Rutgers University where she earned her doctorate in psychology. She taught psychology for many years, then management development at Chase Manhattan Bank in NYC and at Unum in Portland, Maine. She founded McCoy Training and Development Resources (a one person consulting company) in 1999 and then started Find-Your-Roots.com about 2004 (still a one-person company.) She has been a professional genealogist for about 15 years and has been the president of the Maine Genealogical Society since Jan 2018. Finally, she is ready to write her own family history and so she will be stepping down from most of her professional responsibilities. She will continue to help others as a genealogy coach. Her family roots are in Northern Ireland, Germany and England, West Virginia, New York and New England with a delightful mixture of Scot Irish and Jewish roots. 

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NERGC – April 3rd-6th 2019

In less than 2 months, the New England Regional Genealogical Consortium (NERGC) conference will begin! If you have never been, I urge you to try to attend. The conference is biennial and the location rotates between the six New England states. My first experience with this conference was in 2015 when it was held in my home state of Rhode Island. NERGC 2017 was in Springfield, MA and it has been a long two years waiting for NERGC 2019 in Manchester, NH! There are so many lecture topics to choose from. Not to mention the luncheons and banquets with marvelous speakers… This year, I was given the opportunity to interview two of the conference presenters. Today’s post contains my interview with George Findlen.

 

How long have you been interested in genealogy? What sparked your interest?

I have been interested in genealogy since about 1999 when I retired. I wanted to understand why my father’s family (educated, socially and politically involved farmers) was so different from my mother’s family (uneducated, not socially or politically active farmers). By answering that question, I hoped to better understand what led me to become what I am, a researcher and teacher.

In your personal research, what is the most surprising thing you have discovered? The biggest brick wall you have overcome?

The most surprising event in my research has to do with a murder-suicide. The brother of an ancestor killed his wife and then shot himself. The fun, from a research point of view, came from looking at the values of the community and the teaching of the church. (It appears that the local Catholic priest refused to marry a couple who were cousins. So the couple got married before a justice of the peace in a neighboring township. Maine did not prohibit cousins from marrying. The couple and the woman who seems to be the local midwife [and her husband, my ancestor’s brother] may have been ostracized by members of the community. When a neighbor came to the house of the midwife, her husband forbade her going. She got her bag and left. Her husband followed, picked up an axe, and killed his wife with a blow to the head. He shot himself later that morning. I view the story as an insight into the power of the Catholic church and of local values in that community in that year.)

I do not think of myself as facing brick walls. Instead, I see myself as trying to make the best sense with limited documents. To that end, I have turned to local histories and social histories to help me fill out my ancestors’ lives.

As an attendee of several of your lectures, I can attest as to how beneficial and enjoyable they are. After each, I’ve come away with new knowledge and great ideas to apply to my own research. What do you enjoy most about lecturing and what do you hope your audience gets out of the experience?

I am a teacher at my core. I like to help people get what they want. My hobby horse goal as a teacher and genealogist is to beg Acadian and French-Canadian to go beyond family trees (names, places, and dates) and to look for documents that will tell them how their ancestors lived. Helping people make that shift is what most satisfies me.

You specialize in French Canadian and Acadian research. What prompted you to choose this focus? What are the biggest challenges?

I have just completed volume 1 of a family history of my lineage (4 generations from 1650 through 1800–the book is being laid out as I write this), and that has required that I do research in Nova Scotia, Quebec, New Brunswick, and Maine. I will specialize in the blended Acadian / French-Canadian families of the Upper Saint John Valley since that is where my ancestors settled in 1785 and after. So my focus is on my mother’s lineage.

My largest challenge is that I live in Wisconsin, and the records I want to work with are in New Brunswick and Maine. I will be dependent on others for looking up records and on cousins who will put me up in a guest bedroom when I can to Aroostook County to do research on both sides of the border.

What does this year’s conference theme mean to you? What would you say to convince a first-timer to attend?

This year’s theme, “Families — link to the past, bridge to the future” is an excellent one-liner for what I am trying to do. I don’t think we can understand ourselves if we do not look at our past. Likewise, I don’t think we can formulate our hopes for the future if we do not look at the past. To the first-timer, I say, “Want to find your ancestors? Come to the NERGC. We’ll help you find them.”

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More details (and registration information!) can be found here. Register by February 28th to take advantage of the Early Bird discount. Hope to see you in Manchester!

 

George Findlen is a retired academic administrator who has served as a faculty member or administrator at nine colleges and universities in seven states over thirty years. In retirement, he has re-invented himself as a genealogist, becoming certified in 2005 and recertified in 2009 and 2014. In 2014, he became a certified genealogical lecturer. He researches Acadian and French-Canadian families in Eastern Québec, the Canadian Maritimes, and New England. In addition to researching his family, he writes articles for publication. His articles have appeared in the National Genealogical Society Quarterly and genealogical society journals in New England, Louisiana, New Brunswick, and Québec. A recent effort describes the results of a DNA study which documents that the two Acadian Martin immigrants are not related. The article he is proudest of is “The 1917 Code of Canon Law: A Resource for Understanding Catholic Church Registers,” published in the June 2005 issue of the National Genealogical Society Quarterly. The article is the first ever in any language to explain how Roman Catholic canon law can explain unique parish register entries. He is currently writing a history of his Acadian lineage, a venture covering eight generations and 300 years of history. He likes to give talks to genealogists, and has addressed groups in four Upper Midwest states and has presented at regional and national conferences. He volunteers at the Wisconsin Historical Society Library where he helps visiting groups of genealogists, and he currently serves on the board of the National Genealogical Society where he chairs the Education Committee and serves on the editorial board of the NGSQ.

In Remembrance

One hundred years ago at the eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month, the Great War officially ended. My great grandfather, Philias Gouin, served in the US Army during WWI and was a member of the 103rd Field Artillery, Battery B.

The 103rd was primarily made up of Rhode Islanders. The unit had been formed in 1801 as the Providence Marine Corps of Artillery (PMCA). In the beginning, they mostly protected local shipping concerns during the Barbary Wars. They were also called into action during Rhode Island’s Dorr Rebellion, the Civil War, and the Spanish American War.

When Woodrow Wilson announced that the United States would be entering the war against the Imperial German Government on 06 April 1917, the 103rd was ready. At this time they were comprised of only Battery A and they began to recruit in earnest. On 04 May 1917 (Rhode Island’s Independence Day), they led a parade through the streets of Providence. They practiced public drills at the Cranston Street Armory, hoping to inspire young men to enlist. On 08 May 1917, they held a rally at the Benefit Street Arsenal featuring a rousing speech by a hero of the Spanish American War. So many men were convinced to enlist, that they split into 3 batteries, A, B, and C.

WWI soldiers at the Cranston Street Armory

 

Philias may have been one of the young men at the rally on May 8th, because he enlisted the following day. On 25 July 1917, the unit reported for duty and were told they would be going to Quonset Point for training. They trained at Quonset through the end of August, and then moved to Boxford, Massachusetts for additional training.

On 09 Oct 1917, the 103rd, including Philias, departed for Brest, France from Hoboken, New Jersey. They participated in the Second Battle of the Marne, the Third Battle of the Aisne, the Battle of Saint-Mihiel, the Meuse-Argonne Offensive, amongst others.

 

Battery B of the 103rd Field Artillery at the Second Battle of the Marne

 

After the Armistice Treaty was signed, the men remained in France until March of 1919. On 31 March 1919, Philias boarded the USS Mongolia and headed home. He arrived in Boston, Massachusetts on 10 April 1919 and was discharged from service on 29 April 1919.

Last weekend I attended the annual meeting of a genealogical society I’m a member of. One of the speakers was an expert on military history and research. He asked his audience to raise their hands if they had a grandfather or great grandfather who had served in WWI. I was incredibly proud to have my hand in the air.

 

So, on this centenary of the end of the Great War, I’m remembering those who served during that War, and am also so thankful for all of our Veterans who serve to protect our freedoms.

Week 24 – Father’s Day

Week 24 is all about fathers. I considered writing about my grandfather’s mysterious father, but like my Mother’s Day post, I find I can only write about my own dad.

I do not remember a time before knowing my dad. You’re probably reading this, and thinking, “well, duh!” But the dad I’m talking about is actually my stepfather. He entered my life when I was just 3 years old, so despite having my biological father in my life, my stepfather has always been the man I think of as Dad. I very rarely refer to him as my stepfather. Just about the only time I use the ‘step’ qualifier is when I’m talking about genealogy. It makes it easier for people to understand which man I’m talking about. Most people who know me well know that I nearly always say ‘father’ when talking about my biological father, and ‘dad’ when talking about the great man who raised me. The reverse is also true. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard Dad call me his stepdaughter. I’ve never felt less than his daughter. Some stepfathers complain about having to provide for another man’s child. Especially when the biological father is not willing to pay support. Not my dad. Not once did he complain about paying for clothes, shoes, or even orthodontics.

Even before he began dating my mother, my dad was a part of my life. He was our neighbor, and lived across the street with his parents. We lived on a quiet dead end street, and everyone knew each other. After my mother and father separated, Mom began dating the cute guy across the street. On August 6, 1978 they were married. I was not quite 6, and so happy. I remember at the rehearsal, I was so excited that I hugged my soon-to-be stepfather around the legs. The minister kindly said that he knew I loved my new father, but that I couldn’t hug him like that during the ceremony the next day. I don’t like to post a photo twice, but I have to share this photo of the wedding day again. My love for my dad is clearly evident.

Dad has always been a hard worker. When I was young, he went back to school in order to become a CNC Machinist. As a CNC Machinist, he makes intricate machine parts. I still don’t understand how he can make calculations to a fraction of a millimeter, and have everything come out right. Once, he brought home something he had machined. I’m sure it has a proper name, but to me it was an oversized nut and bolt. I don’t know why he had made it, as it was not typical of the things he machined, but I loved it. It sat on our bookcase for many years, and I loved unscrewing the nut from the bolt, and screwing it back together again. Even as a teenager, I’d sit in the recliner chatting on the phone, absentmindedly spinning the bolt, and marveling that my dad had made it. Most Sundays in the fall, Dad would head out to the woods with his father and brother, and cut wood for the winter. Dad would come home with his pickup loaded with logs, and I’d run outside with my work gloves on, ready to help unload the truck and stack the wood in the garage.

Dad always had a big vegetable garden. Each spring, he’d plant row after row of delicious veggies. Corn, cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes, summer squash, to name just a few. Some years he planted pumpkins. If I recall, those had a tendency to take over the entire backyard. Occasionally, I’d beg for a particular crop. One year it was carrots. Dad said they wouldn’t grow well, but I pleaded and he relented. He said the carrots were my responsibility. I was delighted to be put in charge of the carrots. I was given a small section of the garden and planted my seeds. I was so excited when the lacy green leaves first started to appear. I’d go out in the afternoons and pull out the weeds. When they were ready for harvest, my carrots were short and fat instead of long and skinny. Dad had tried telling me that we didn’t have the right soil for carrots, but I had been determined to prove him wrong. An early lesson proving Dad is usually right. No matter what was growing, I loved spending summer days with Dad in the garden.

Even our vacations were work for my dad, but like the woodcutting and gardening, I think it was work he enjoyed. Most of our family vacations were camping trips. Dad would do the driving, set up the tents, and do most of the cooking on the camp stove. Not to mention building the campfires and prepping fresh, green sticks for s’mores. He also played the role of tour guide, driving us to see the sights.

When Dad was 32, he stopped drinking alcohol. He began doing more hiking, and before too long he and my mother had hiked the New Hampshire Four Thousand Footers – 48 mountains with elevations of at least 4,000 feet. What an accomplishment! They were both recognized by the Appalachian Mountain Club at an annual event. There was an awards banquet, patches for their backpacks, and certificates of achievement.

My dad has always been there for me and has set the example of how to live a life of integrity. He has taught me so much. I still remember my first time riding my two-wheeled bike down the street without the training wheels. And there was Dad holding on to the back of the bike til I got my balance and confidence. Dad was also beside me when I drove a car on the road for the first time. When I finally ventured out of the parking lot where I had been practicing, he was a calming presence in the seat next to me. Thanks to Dad I know to water outdoor plants after the sun goes down, how to change a tire, the importance of family, all the rules of baseball, how to properly cook and eat a lobster, and many, many other important life skills. I could fill an entire book with stories about my dad’s great qualities, and things I have learned from him, but this is supposed to be a short blog post…

Happy Father’s Day, Dad! And as Gramps (Dad’s father) would say, “ I love ya and I ‘preciate ya!”

Week 20 – Another Language

The prompt for week 20 is Another Language. Most of my ancestors are from English speaking countries, so I do not have many records that are in other languages. I do have French Canadian ancestry, and some fairly recently discovered Italian, so I have definitely felt the frustration of trying to decipher records that were written in an unfamiliar language.

My late father’s maternal line has a good bit of French Canadian. When I started researching these ancestors, I made a list of translated keywords that you would expect to find on a birth, marriage, or death index. Son, daughter, mother, father, born, married, died, etc. I also included the names of the months, and common prepositions. I’ve found my list invaluable, as it saves me from running to Google Translate for every other word. I’m so easily distracted, and know that every time I look at anything other than the record I’m working on, there is a great possibility that I’ll fall down some other research rabbit hole.

Even armed with such a list, foreign records can be so hard to figure out. Most of the records I’ve looked at have been online. So, in addition to the strange language, the image maybe be poor. And the archaic handwriting! That can be hard enough to read when the document is in English. Let’s not forget spelling errors. If a record is in English, I at least have a chance of detecting a spelling error. They’re near impossible to spot when dealing with a different language.

My mom’s ancestors are primarily Irish, and I haven’t found any documents written in the Irish language. Yet… Though, I have found some that were written in Latin. Mostly church documents, as you might expect. I find those easier than the French. I took a year of Latin in High School, and though it was nearly 3 decades ago, I remember much more of it than I would expect to. The tricky thing about the church records is that the given name of each person is written using the Latin equivalent. Some are easy to decipher; Elisabeth for Elizabeth, Marcus for Mark, etc. Others require looking up. Thank goodness for the internet! Otherwise, I’d likely never figure out that Coemgenus is Kevin or Jacomus is James.

My Dad’s paternal grandparents were both from Poland. I have had no luck (so far) finding Polish records online. The changing boundaries in Eastern Europe in the 19th century don’t make searching any easier. And don’t get me started on the creative spelling of names by the record keepers. Having seen some of the documents, I’m almost relieved I haven’t come across any relating to Dad’s family!

Closing the dash far too soon

Genealogists often speak of “closing the dash”. The dash they’re talking about is the one on a gravestone between the persons birth and death dates. It usually falls to the family historian to record the date of death in family records. We refer to this as closing the dash. Earlier this week, a beautiful life ended much sooner than it should have, and I find I cannot remain silent.

When I was younger, I thought that the people involved with drugs were of a certain type. You’d hear about someone overdosing, and assume it was a longstanding addict who finally took a little too much. Sure, there were exceptions. I always think of Len Bias, the basketball player who overdosed on cocaine while out celebrating being signed to the Boston Celtics. Everyone close to him said that he had never tried cocaine before; that it was just that once while out celebrating with his friends. I was 14 when he died, and I think it was his death, more than any lecture I received from my parents, that kept me away from drugs. I’ve always been afraid that with my luck, I too would die the first time I tried anything.

A few years ago, I saw a documentary about young adults from Cape Cod who were all struggling with opioid addiction. Nearly all of them were good kids, from good homes. Most of them had sustained an injury that they were prescribed prescription painkillers for. Once the prescriptions dried up, they turned to illegal drugs to lessen their pain. The documentary was eye-opening and quite sobering. It haunted me for weeks. At the time, I only personally knew one person who had overdosed. A friend of the family had chronic pain from a childhood illness and from a car accident he had as an adult. He had turned to prescription narcotics to ease his pain and died from an overdose.

There are countless stories of famous people who have died as a result of overdoses. These stories come to light because of the celebrity of the person involved. It seems when a celebrity dies, unless they’re older or have a known illness, it is automatically assumed that the death must’ve been drug related. One of the saddest celebrity deaths in recent years was that of musician, Tom Petty. He died of an overdose of prescription pills. Many of the news reports left it at that, and people shook their heads at another rocker living the high life and paying the consequences. The more thorough reports told the full story. They told of his need for hip surgery, and the excruciating pain he was in. They told of his desire to finish the concert tour he was on before scheduling the surgery that would have hopefully put an end to the pain. They pointed out that it was likely he timed his dosage wrong, or accidentally took the wrong combo just to try to get some relief.

Earlier this week, a young woman left her grandmother’s house for a night out with her friends. High school graduation was at the end of the week, and the teenagers were going to let off a little steam. She laughingly told her grandmother that she was going out to “party hearty”. Her grandmother told her to be sensible, and she said she would. The following morning, her friends found her unresponsive. She was taken to the hospital, and was gone before her mother could arrive.

I don’t know how this happened. Was this a one time thing, or had her drug use been going on for a while? All I know is that parents have lost a child and are going through what no parent should have to face. This past Wednesday, the Rhode Island House Judiciary Committee voted on new legislation that would enable drug dealers to be charged with murder and face the possibility of a life sentence if a person were to die from the drugs they sold. Her mother appeared before the Committee just 2 days after losing her daughter and read a statement in support of the legislation. She was interviewed on the local news, and this grieving mother bravely told the story of her beloved daughters death. I cannot imagine having that strength.

Olivia was just 18 with her whole life ahead of her. She was about to graduate from high school. She talked of traveling the world, and I couldn’t wait to see where life took her. A fatal choice put an end to all of her possibilities. My beautiful, smart, funny, loving cousin Livvie is now a statistic.

The Len Bias story is not an urban myth. You CAN die even if you only try something once. There is no one ‘type’ that is involved with drugs. This epidemic is hitting everyone. If you lose a loved one to drugs, do not remain silent. Speak up. Tell their stories. Tell your stories. Let everyone know that it CAN happen to them, and how it will affect those left behind. Let’s end this.

Week 19 – Mother’s Day

Due to moving and traveling, I’ve fallen a bit behind in my blogposts, so this one is a couple of weeks late… The prompt for week 18 was “Mother’s Day”. When I hear “Mother’s Day”, there is only one person I can write about. My best friend. My mom. Despite the fact that I normally try to avoid writing about the living, I cannot write about anyone else.

My mother is the strongest, most courageous woman I know. She’s very intelligent and has a quick wit. She’s also a woman of principles. In fact, one of her phrases I remember most from my childhood is, “it’s the principle of the matter.” As an adult, I admire those principles, and often hear myself uttering the same phrase. As a teenager, her principles were a source of embarrassment at times. I remember once when she stopped at a local store to buy mustard. I was in high school, and one of my classmates was the cashier. When he told my mother the amount she owed, she was quick to point out that because the item was food, there should be no sales tax. I don’t remember the outcome of the conversation (I was busy praying the floor would open and swallow me whole), but knowing my mother, I’m pretty sure she left the mustard and bought it somewhere else.

One Mother’s Day when I was a child, I saw my mother sitting on the edge of her bed crying softly. My mother very rarely cried. I asked her why she was crying, and she said it was because it was Mother’s Day. Now I was really confused. It was a day that was all about her. I mean, cards and presents, what was there to cry about? She said she was sad because she no longer had her mother. My grandmother had died when my mother was only 24. I was just a toddler when she passed and had no memory of her. I’ve never forgotten my mother’s sadness that day, and always try to give my mom a wonderful Mother’s Day.

When I was very young, Mom made the very wise decision to divorce my biological father. My father had a propensity for making poor choices, and I’m glad my mom realized we would be better off without him around. I’ve often thought it was the best decision she has ever made. Without her making the decision to divorce my father, I would not have gained an amazing stepfather. This year, he and my mother will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. I never think of him as my stepfather. He’s simply, “Dad”. Their wedding was one of the happiest days of my life.

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I always preferred sitting indoors reading, rather than being outside engaging in physical activity. My mother is the one who instilled the love of reading in me, but she also did her best to get me outside and active. She would try to make it fun, and would get me to race her in our backyard. Once, mid-race, I plopped down on the grass next to my dad and remarked, “Look at the old girl go!” My mother was probably in her late 20’s at the time… We would also go to the local community center to play tennis. I enjoyed playing, but was quite terrible. My mother loved to play, and was good, so it must’ve been so frustrating to play against a child who rarely made contact with the ball. I was always glad when my dad could go with us. They would play tennis and I would watch from the swings.

Dad mostly worked second shift when I was growing up, so most nights it was just Mom and I at home. Mom worked full time during the day. Even though many women in the late 70’s worked, it seemed like very few of my friends had working moms. I was so proud to tell my friends that my mother had a job. Despite working full time, she still found time to chaperone field trips and bake cupcakes with me and my friends.

My mother has a great sense of humor. Though as a teenager, I didn’t always appreciate it… As a rule, she is quiet and dignified, but occasionally, she would come out with something outrageous just for shock value. Once, I had a male friend over the house and Mom told him he looked constipated. He later asked me what made him look constipated. I assured him that he didn’t – it was just my mom’s sense of humor. Another time, my mother and I were playing miniature golf at a course within walking distance of our house. About halfway through, I caught her writing “Ellen loves boys” with the scoring pencils on the pedestals at each hole. And you know those little pencils don’t have erasers! Since I was the only Ellen in my school, everyone would know it was written about me. When I complained about it, my mother looked at me with the most innocent expression and said, “What? You don’t like boys?” What were once major sources of embarrassment are now cherished memories. I know that if I had a daughter of my own, she would be tortured in much the same way.

About 15 years ago, Mom and Dad moved from Rhode Island to Maine. I found it difficult at first. Gone were our impulsive coffee dates. No longer could she call me and invite me along for an errand. Thank goodness for free long distance plans. Mom and I talk on the phone nearly every day. The drive is only a few hours, so I see them often. When I became interested in genealogy, Mom became interested as well. I love sharing my discoveries with her, even when they’re from my father’s side of the family. With most of Mom’s ancestors being from Ireland, she had always wanted to visit that country. After my biological father died at age 61, I decided life was too short, and we should take her dream vacation. Dad remained at home as it wasn’t his dream vacation, and someone needed to be around to care for their cat. We had an amazing time. We visited the areas where some of our ancestors were from. It was a magical trip. After that vacation we decided to take a trip together every other year near Mother’s Day. For our next trip we rented a cottage on a beach in Florida. When we thought about where this year’s trip would take us, Mom suggested a return trip to Ireland. I couldn’t say no!

When I started this blogpost, she was sitting beside me 30,000 feet above the Atlantic Ocean, as we headed to Dublin. During our last trip to Ireland, we spent most of our time off the beaten path, visiting non-touristy places in search of our roots. This time, we stayed in Dublin. We took a bus trip to Belfast, and another to tour the scenic Ring of Kerry. We also traveled to England, visiting Manchester to see where our Marsden and Whittle ancestors were from. We visited the cemetery where Mom’s third great grandfather is buried and saw the church where her great grandfather was baptized. The hotel we stayed at was comprised of converted 17th century farm buildings and located less than a mile from the church and cemetery. It’s not much of a stretch to think that our ancestors spent at least some time at that property. It was an incredible trip, and I’m glad I was able to share the experience with my mom.

I’m so lucky to have such an amazing mom. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I love you so very, very much!